To A Stranger by Walt Whitman

How longingly I look upon you,

You must be he I was seeking,
Or she I was seeking
(It comes to me as a dream)

I have somewhere surely
Lived a life of joy with you,
All is recall’d as we flit by each other,
Fluid, affectionate, chaste, matured,

You grew up with me,
Were a boy with me or a girl with me,
I ate with you and slept with you, your body has become
not yours only nor left my body mine only,

You give me the pleasure of your eyes,
face, flesh as we pass,
You take of my beard, breast, hands,
in return,

I am not to speak to you, I am to think of you
when I sit alone or wake at night, alone
I am to wait, I do not doubt I am to meet you again
I am to see to it that I do not lose you.

Meet Kliente

lejournaldunepetitefille:

The Greatest Love Story Ever Told…

It’s date night and I haven’t been this excited in a long time. My heart was racing, butterflies flutter in my stomach… the usual cliché associated with the love game. I’ve never met her before but she was everything I loved about a woman. She was beautiful, elegant and most important of all, smart. She was also different from any girls I’ve dated. I’ve always went for beauty and sex appeal, sometimes elegance but never wits! There’s something mysteriously sexy about a smart woman, a woman who know what she wants. She was perfect in every way.

I nervously tapped on her name on my iPhone. ”Hey! Happy birthday Phil!” she said as she answered the phone. Her voice was sweet and she sounds very excited. I could hear her radiant smile through the phone. “Thanks!” I said, “Sorry I’m a bit late. I just parked, I’ll see you soon”. I noticed her immediately as I walked through the door as if she was the only person in the world. She was stunning, eyes glowing with anticipation and her lips formed a genuine smile that could warm the coldest hearts. But my heart wasn’t cold… it was broken.

We had a few drinks, shared a few laughs and lost ourselves in each other’s gaze for a few brief moments. Moments that would have been awkward in our circumstances but if felt right. It felt like long lost lovers reunited sharing moments of inner peace because we were whole again. “Let’s get out of here” she suggests… a woman who knows what she wants.

We were finally alone in her apartment and our conversations grew more flirtatious. She was as smart as I thought she was. I never thought brains could be so damn sexy! We lose ourselves in each other eyes once again but this time it’s different. We were in a comfortable surrounding away from wandering eyes… we were uninhibited so we let the moment take over. As our lips touched to share an instant of unadulterated passion, my heart became whole again… but only for a heartbeat. The kiss suddenly reminded me of my ex… the heart is whole no more.

“Sorry, I got to go. I have dinner plans with my friends.” I lied. She looked puzzled, and very disappointed but she kept her composure. We parted ways with a warm hug and delicate kisses on the cheeks. As she was about to close the door, she said “I really had fun with you tonight… Will I see you again soon?”

My engine roared as I sped off into the night heading toward an empty house. Although I was going to spend my birthday alone, I had a big smile on my face as I recollect the instant she bought me back to life. Our first date couldn’t be better. I really liked her and she really liked me but we will never see each other again… 

Every time we meet someone new, they don’t get the whole picture of who we really are. Each conversation you have with them and each experience you share with them adds a brush stroke to the image you help create. However, we have the habit of filling the empty parts of the canvas with our own expectation and perceptions based on what we already know. After our first date, I showed her the best part of my picture. In return, she showed me a sneak peak of what could be a masterpiece and I filled in the gaps as such.

In my mind, she could be the one… but I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready to paint the perfect picture of myself to match hers because my canvas was shredded like my heart. Even after the perfect date, we will probably never be a pair but I will never forget these brief moment of happiness. She mended my heart for an instant and made me believe in love again. She was perfect in every way and I will truly love her forever.

Over time, love is taken for granted, love fades and love will drift away…

However, my love for her is forged on the very moment where love is at its peak and when both parties fills in the empty space of our canvases to create a perfect masterpiece for each other.

That’s why the greatest love story ever told are the ones that never actually happen.

First Chapter: My First Hero & My Last Lesson

4 years has passed since I’ve written anything… My mind is blank and my creativity is dry… I remember how I used to write a poem a week when I was in high school. I remember when my blog posts were featured on xanga. Now… nothing. (See?! what a terrible intro! Doesn’t this make you want to close the window and un-follow me?)

A lot has happened in the past 4 years. I fell in love with a girl that I thought was “the one”, graduated from school and landed on an awesome career. On the other hand, my grandparents who raised me passed away before seeing me graduate (nobody in my family has ever graduated University and it was my grandfather’s dream to see me do so). My family has grown distant and cold to one another and the woman whom I was determined to spend the rest of my life with broke my heart. 

If I could use one word to describe the last 4 years, I would use “REGRET”. There were so many things that I could have done differently if only I had the maturity that I have now. I regret many things but what I regret the most is not visiting my grandparents when they were still here. 

To sum things up, the last 4 years taught me a very harsh and valuable lesson. It all started when my grandfather got ill. My parents called me to come over to his nursing home to visit him and ask the doctors what was happening. They reassured us that he was going to be fine, but in the back of my mind I was worried… I was naive and immature. My raging hormones convinced me to go see my girlfriend instead of asking the doctor more questions or even demanding them to send my grandfather to the hospital.

As a day pass by, my grandfather still hasn’t got better. The nursing home doctor reassures us that it was normal for an elderly person to not recover as fast. Something wasn’t right… I asked them to send my grandfather to the hospital but they needed consent from my dad. I called my dad so that he can go to the nursing home to sign the documents… he didn’t. In hindsight, I knew that my dad was unreliable and I should have dragged his ass there myself. 

Another day pass by, I spend all day planning a romantic dinner with my girlfriend while still naively believing that my grandfather will be fine. I was wrong.

I rushed to the hospital and sat by my grandfather’s side, not knowing if he will make it or not. My eyes were fixed on his heart rate monitor and his face hoping for signs of improvement. I held on to his hand for the first time since I was a child and whispered into his ear “Please don’t leave me grandpa. You have to see me graduate this spring.” 

My grandfather was the one who raised me and spent countless hours telling me stories about his life. I didn’t know back then, but every one of his stories carried a valuable lesson about being a righteous person. From a young age, I looked up to him and he saw potential in me that nobody has seen until this day. He was my first hero. I could have learned so much from him but it’s too late now as I spend the next 72 hours watching the only person who cared about me slip away. 

Although we haven’t had a real conversation in over a decade, my grandfather left me with a final life lesson: Live without Regrets. However, the lesson has yet to be learned. After my grandfather passed away, my world took a turn for the worst toward a downward spiral and I hit rock bottom recently.

I believe that I have bounced back and ready to start a new chapter in my life. This is the first chapter, a chapter about my first Hero and my journey to learn his last lesson.

Hatred

Je hais tous ce que tu aimes puisque tu ne m’aimes plus

I miss xanga